This week I’ve had a couple of experiences where I was not comfortable saying no – and I didn’t. I was surprised and disappointed in myself because I’ve become better at saying no. Where once I was a people pleaser or a dutiful wife/friend/mother/employee (there are more, but I’m sure you get the idea) I have become better at putting what’s important to me first and politely declining a request or an invitation.

I’ve learned to say things like:

• “Let me consider it and I’ll get back to you by …” and getting back to them by…. with my answer.
• “Thank you for asking and I’m unable to in this instance.” and offering what I can do to help.
• A definite “No” – reminding myself this is a complete sentence.
• Not getting into discussions as to why I can’t.

These have taken practice, and still do, and I am generally more comfortable saying no than I used to be.

So what happened this week? The unconscious triggers came up and I didn’t see them in the heat of the moment. The unconscious triggers are things like:

• It’s just a small thing.
• Surely just this once won’t hurt.
• It won’t take much to do it.
• You don’t mind, do you?
• The cute look on the face of the dog who knew he’d done wrong and was trying to get away with it and before I know it, I’ve said “Okay, sure” when I really didn’t want to. In the heat of the moment, forget my boundaries and what’s important to me.

I am comfortable saying no when I need to – sometimes. Saying no still takes courage and practice and support. It takes giving myself permission to say no so I can support what’s important to me. A clear no, even when it feels uncomfortable, means we can move on and begin to say yes to what is important.

Are you tired of being taken for granted because you’re not comfortable with saying no? Contact me to see how working with me as your life coach can help.